Lessons in Sentimental Expression
by Emerson M
Summary: I like to watch her, but she doesn't know. Even if she did, she'd never say anything, because I'm Abed and I'm allowed to stare.
1. Chapter 1

I like to watch her, but she doesn't know. Even if she did, she'd never say anything, because I'm Abed and I'm allowed to stare.

I know people don't like it. I know they think it's intense and unnerving. But if I stopped, I'd have to stop watching her too, and I don't think I can do that.

In a way, it's an odd catch-22. If I stopped, I'd be more normal - more appealing. But I can't, because then I'd miss all the little things she does. Her quirks and her habits. The way she taps the end of her pencil on the table. The way she subconsciously tugs at the tips of her hair. I can't miss those things.

She sits across from me at the study table and I watch as she bites her lower lip. She's studying for Sociology and I'm reading a book for my Film class. Except, I'm not. I'm watching her face as she carefully rereads her notes.

"Sup," Troy says as he enters with Pierce.

Troy and I clap our hands to our chests as he takes his seat at the table. I look up as the rest of the study group walks into the room.

"My boys did the cutest thing this weekend," Shirley starts to say.

I nod along as she continues her story, but I'm not really listening. Annie closes her notes and faces Shirley. I examine her face as she smiles brightly. Her eyes are wide as she listens and every so often, her mouth twitches slightly in reaction to something Shirley says.

"Awww…" says Annie when Shirley stops.

"Lame!" interjects Pierce, laughing to himself, "Am I right?"

"Knock! Knock!"

It's the Dean. I wave.

"How's my favorite study group doing?" But he's not looking at us, he's eyeing Jeff.

"Sooo….." He says, forcing himself to pull his eyes away. "I just wanted to make sure you guys are all coming to dance this Friday!"

There's a simultaneous groan.

I look across at Annie as she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. I want to imitate her, so I can feel what it's like to be her, right now. So I can feel how she feels, and think how she thinks. But I don't.

"You can't be serious," exclaims Jeff.

"Yeah," Britta agrees, "How many have we had this year?"

Shirley makes a noise in protest. Her eyes are wide as she stares at the Dean. "I am not going to another dance."

"I'm giving out three elective credits."

This seems to change everyone's mind, as we all shrug and nod in agreement.

"What's this?" asks Britta as the Dean hands around three sheets of paper.

"Oh, Silly. Why, they're clues, of course!"

Troy stares at the Dean blankly, "For….what?"

"For the game."

"Like Jumanji?" I ask.

"No, Abed. Not at all like Jumanji," he says exasperatedly.

"Good," I reply, "I don't want to start turning into a monkey."

Troy's eyes light up. "Man, that would be so awesome!"

Jeff stares at him and shakes his head. "Now, what's this about a game?

You guys didn't think I was handing out the credits for free, did you? Oh, no, no, no, Jeffery. You have to win them."

We groan again.

"Teams of no more than three." He looks around at the seven of us and scrunches his face in concern, "You guys'll have to figure something out."

Troy and I look at each other right away. Our eyebrows raise in silent agreement. Troy turns to Annie, a questioning look on his face. I do the same, hoping to claim her before the others do. She blushes as she realizes what we want and quickly nods her head. We are a team.

Pierce looks back and forth between the three of us. "Hey! They've already formed an alliance. Quick! Who wants to be on my team?"

Britta quickly shakes her head. "Sorry, Pierce. I'm with Shirley."

Shirley nods in agreement.

"Jeff? It looks like it's you and me. We'll beat 'em all!"

"Whatever." Jeff doesn't look up from his phone as he replies.

"Ha! I get Jeff on my team! You guys are screwed!"

"That's nice," says Shirley.

Annie grabs a set of clues from the center of the table and reads them silently. Her eyes widen. She looks at me and then at Troy before standing up and grabbing her things.

"Come on!" She hisses, "Let's go home, we can't discuss this here."

I can see the determination in her eyes, it makes my heart beat a little faster. I know she wants to win. I also know that she doesn't need too - she doesn't have anymore electives to take, and winning the credits would be useless. But she wants it anyway.

I get up to follow her. I don't bother to check if Troy's behind me. I'm pretending that it's just the two of us, her leading me. She's walking quickly, but I speed up to walk beside her instead. She looks up at me and smiles.

I like to think that it's a special smile, one that she saves just for me.

Deep down, I know that it's not. I know that it's just a friendship smile, nothing more. I know that it's the same one that she gives to Troy and to Britta. I know that it's nothing unique.

But I like to pretend anyway. Because it makes me feel like these moments are special, like they could be part of something bigger, like we could be more than just friends. I like feeling that way. I like feeling hopeful.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN - **_Thanks to all my reviewers and readers! I appreciate it. Not much happens in this one, but I wanted to end the chapter before they figured out the clues, so that you guys have a chance to guess. Reviews, messages, favorites - all would be lovely! :)_

You know the sound that fireworks make, the moment they explode? That big bang that reverberates through your body and echoes around in your chest, long after the noise has stopped. That aftershock that shakes through your ribcage is how I feel when I'm around her. I feel as though somebody shoved me in the back as hard as they could, and is watching as I stand there, as my heart is flopping around in my chest. I know my expression would never give it away, but I am completely disoriented.

There are too many emotional responses that have similar physiological reactions. And I find them too hard to distinguish. I know my body is in a state of arousal. But that could mean anything. Anger. Fear. Lust. Love.

The funny thing is, I don't care whether it's fear or lust. I just like the turmoil it creates inside of me. I like how sensitive and unknown everything is. I like the fact that I can't control it, that it's my body reacting to something, instead of me watching it happen to others. I like that she makes me feel something, anything.

And even though I don't know what it is, I know it's addictive.

And I want more.

I want her.

I follow Annie as she runs up the stairs to our apartment. Her steps are light and effortless. I can see the muscles in her legs tighten and then soften with each movement. I long to grab her limbs and pull her down to me. She's so close - if I reach out I could do it. I could spin her around and wrap her in my arms. And. And. And I stop.

I'm breathing too hard. I know it's not from the running. I catch my breath and bolt forward to catch up with her again.

I reach her as she's scrambling to open the lock on our front door. She bursts through and I follow her in. She sits down at the table and lays the clues out in front of her. Her long, delicate fingers rest along the edges of the page, holding it down.

Troy practically falls through the door as he tries to slide to a stop.

"How-" he gasps, "-are you-" he's looking at Annie as he clutches his side, "-so fast?"

She shrugs.

"I really want to win and we needed a head start," she says by way of explanation.

Troy shakes his head like he can't believe it.

"First, you beat me to your car, and then you beat me up the stairs. I am never racing you again."

But Annie's not listening; she's examining the paper in front of her. Her face is tensed into determined concentration. She looks ready to solve anything. I stand behind her and look over her shoulder.

"Do you know what it means?" I ask.

"No," she says flatly.

She smooths out the paper with her hand and starts to read aloud.

"Where the first meal organizes at the second day's end, bring a tough dessert."

"That's it?" asks Troy.

Annie nods.

I try to focus on the words, try to figure out what they mean. But I'm distracted. I'm leaning slightly over her shoulder and I can smell her. She smells like strawberries. I think it's her shampoo. The scent is strong - I can almost taste it. My legs suddenly feel unsteady. It's as if my insides have started to defy gravity. My organs have rearranged themselves and my heart is beating in my stomach.

I steal a glance down at Annie. I look at the curve of her nose and the shadows that her eyelashes make across her cheeks. She's biting her bottom lip again.

My body instinctively pulls closer to her. But before I can touch her, I draw back sharply. My face feels warm. Flustered. I look to Troy to see if he noticed anything. He didn't. His face is in his hands as he tries to think.

"What does this mean?" he moans.

Annie's mumbling to herself. "First meal…tough dessert…"

Troy's eyes widen.

"Like a tough cookie?" he asks excitedly.

Annie stares at him.

"Maybe…" she says, not wanting to disappoint him.

"It might mean tough, as in hard to eat," she explains.

"What dessert is hard to eat?!"

Annie is unconvinced. "I don't know, Troy."

I try to think of something to contribute to the conversation, but I can't. I still can't focus. My body feels odd, like it's not my own, like I can't control it. All I can smell is Annie. I try thinking about Inspector Spacetime, and blorgons, and quantum spammers.

But the only thing that comes to mind is Geneva.


End file.
